Sometimes We Forget It’s Just a Game

Today's blog post was guest- written by Bill Matthews, MA, LPC. Bill is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Play Like a Champion Consultant in Detroit, Michigan. Bill is a frequent speaker at the Play Like a Champion Leadership conference, and specializes in youth and family therapy, with an interest in sports psychology.

Even before the crowd of over 111,000 had left the stadium, the internet was exploding with words of malice towards University of Michigan punter Blake O’Neil. O’Neill fumbled a low snap from center with 10 seconds left in the game, and the University of Michigan leading Michigan State by two points. He then botched the punt, which was grabbed by a little-known Spartan, and returned for the game-winning touchdown as the clock ran out. Mean-spirited comments such as “The entire state of Michigan hates you,” and “Go to the equipment room and start chugging that bleach my friend,” were penned by, angry fans.

When discussing the play in his post-game press conference, O’Neill’s coach simply said, "Mistakes were made on that field...very unfortunate circumstances." Fortunately, his teammates had his back. "We support Blake through everything. that's the kind of team we're going to be," one teammate was quoted as saying. But that “team first” philosophy isn’t universal. An incident like this may seem rare, but this kind of vicious social media backlash aimed at athletes of all ages is becoming more common. Such actions have become tolerated and some would even justify the behavior as a “right” protected by free speech.

Bullying is defined as repeated aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or relational. It is a serious problem that has harmful effects on both the victim and the bully. Studies have shown that boys frequently bully using physical threats and actions, while girls are more likely to engage in relational bullying, which includes exclusion or spreading rumors about the person. Adults sometimes try to explain bullying away as “harmless hazing”, or “typical kid stuff”, but it is not. Mental health experts tell us that the scars inflicted by bullying can persist long into the future and can predispose a young person to develop psychological problems in adulthood. 32% of students ages 12-18 report being bullied. Victims of cyber-bullying have a higher rate of depression than victims of face-to-face bullying, and victims of bullying are at 4-5 times greater risk for psychiatric disorders as adults.

If we are to have any chance to put a stop to bullying in sports and elsewhere, parents need to discuss bullying with their children. There should be open lines of communication in order to find out if anyone is treating any child on the team badly. If necessary, parents and coaches should take steps to stop the abuse. Simply talking about the problem can be a huge stress reliever for a child who is being bullied. If a parent discovers that their child is the one bullying others, make sure he or she understands how hurtful such behavior can be. Parents can foster empathy by encouraging their child to look at their actions from the victim’s perspective. Coaches should put an emphasis on team-building and creating a “family” atmosphere. This can reduce the chances that bullying will occur and create a cohesive team experience that will benefit everyone. Most importantly, whether you’re a coach, parent, official, administrator, or fan in the stands, if you witness bullying or hazing in the sport setting, say something about it. Arrange a conference with the coach to communicate what you’ve seen or heard about and ask the coach to take measures to stop the abuse. Try talking with the offending fan and let them know their behavior is unacceptable. Establish a code of conduct for player and fan behavior. In kids’ eyes when adults say and doing nothing to stop inappropriate behavior, it’s another way of saying that the offending behavior is acceptable.

In 2013, Miami Dolphins offensive lineman, Jonathan Martin walked away from the team after repeated harassment from teammates Richie Incognito, Mike Pouncey, and John Jerry. Although we don’t like to think about it, bullying isn’t relegated to the stands or social media comments only. If bullying by teammates can cause a 6’5”, 312 lb NFL lineman to walk away from his team and his sport, what impact do you think it can have on an 8-to-12 year old Little Leaguer? A middle school basketball player, track/cross country runner or cheer leader? A high school soccer or lacrosse player or swimmer?

For more information on stopping bullying visit:

• http://bullying.about.com/od/Bullies/a/6-Common-Types-Of-Bullies.htm
• http://bullying.about.com/od/Bullies/a/What-Are-The-Risk-Factors-For-Becoming-A-Bully.htm
• http://bullying.about.com/od/Victims/a/8-Ways-To-Spot-Bullying-In-Your-Childs-Life.htm,
• http://store.samhsa.gov/apps/knowbullying/index.html Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration’s free mobile app for parents/coaches - “Know Bullying”  

Any opinions or advice represented in this article are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Play Like a Champion Today.

What We Can Learn from the Miami Dolphins Scandal

Today's blog post is written by Clark Power, Professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame and co-founder of Play Like a Champion Today.  The blog first appeared on the Huffington Post.

For almost a week now, allegations of hazing and bullying have rocked the Miami Dolphins football team. In response, Dolphins players have defended Richie Incognito as a "team leader" and Jonathan Martin's mentor and friend. Martin, not Incognito, was the problem. Martin was "standoffish," lacking in mental toughness, and unwilling to pay his dues like other rookies. Martin's worst offense was walking out on his team and making his grievances public. He ratted out a teammate and revealed his lack of character by failing to work out his issues with his teammates in the locker room. Is Martin really the victim here or a crybaby, not fit for the rough and tumble world of the NFL?

The debate swirling around Martin has gone well beyond the sports pages and involves far more than the "code" of the NFL locker room. At issue is the responsibility of those who have power to look after those who are marginalized because they don't seem to "fit in." I am talking about the responsibility of not only NFL owners and coaches but also of athletic directors and coaches. I am talking about the responsibility of athletes who wield power in their peer groups and who can turn a whole group against an individual at the slightest provocation. We all know their "victims." They are the children, adolescents, and young adults, who have endured taunts, ridicule, and exclusion because they stuttered, dressed out of style, were socially awkward, or got "A"s in class. What price should they be asked to pay to be accepted into the group?

I have spent most of my career as an educational psychologist, working with teachers and more recently with coaches to address the cultures of the classrooms and teams. Left unattended, I find that classroom and team cultures can become uncaring and even cruel. Under the direction of morally aware teachers and coaches, however, they can become welcoming and engaging. In an ongoing study funded by the Templeton Foundation, we are finding that at in the early adolescent years sports teams are on the whole more successful at discouraging bullying and encouraging inclusiveness than classrooms and even religious groups. One reason for this appears to be that sports teams tend to engender a sense of family that extends to everyone regardless of athletic ability or friendship group. Of course, the cultures of sports teams vary widely according to the coach. Many coaches embrace the role of moral leadership and look after all of their players. Sadly, some coaches ignore the social dynamics of the locker room or are themselves bullies, who punish and demean their players under the guise of "motivating" them or toughening them up for the next level of competition.

I know of no research that shows that punishing or demeaning others is a successful strategy for goading them to higher levels of achievement. I am afraid that we all too often allow the end of winning to excuse the means of intimidation and abuse, and we too easily confuse incivility and conformity with toughness and loyalty. The discussion over the culture of the Dolphins' locker room will, I hope, lead us all to greater clarity about the moral principles that ought to inform the relationship between the group and individual and between those who have power and those who do not. How we evaluate the Dolphin's team culture will have consequences that reach well beyond the NFL locker room.