Developing a positive parent-coach relationship can be a challenge. One of the most common controversies between parents and coaches is playing time. “Parents vs coaches” rather than parents with coaches can be destructive to a child’s experience of the game. Coaches cite playing time as one of the most common complaints from parents and parents cite playing time as one of the most common complaints about their children’s coaches. Here is some advice taken from our coaches clinics and parent workshops for you to use:
As a parent, how do you effectively communicate your frustration to the coach?
1. First, talk to your son or daughter about how they feel about the time they get to play. Are they having fun playing on the team? Do they feel they are not getting the game time they deserve? If so, ask them what they think they need to work on to get better? Set goals with them about specific ways they can improve in their sport.
2. Encourage your son or daughter to approach the coach before you do. Some children may feel uncomfortable or scared, but you must assure them that they have to take initiative. This is a lesson they should learn now so that later on in life they can stand up for themselves and take initiative in approaching teachers, college professors, bosses, potential employers etc.
3. Contact the coach in an appropriate way. Do not approach the coach before or after a game. If you approach him or her after practice, ask the coach if you can set up a time to talk either in person or on the phone.
4. During the coach-parent meeting, keep the following in mind:
- Start with a compliment and/or thank the coach for dedicating his/her time to working with your child. This will ease the tension in the conversation.
- Ask rather than tell. Rather than making accusations, ask the coach to explain what they see in practice.
- Ask them what specific areas your son or daughter will need to improve to be in the game more often. Decide on some goals and agree that you will both discuss those goals with your child.
- DO NOT compare your son or daughter to another player on the team.
- Do not try to convince the coach that your child is a better player than he/she thinks (even if you’re right).
- Do not insult the coach’s effort or ability to be your child’s coach. They are dedicating the time away from their families to be with your family.
What can coaches do to prevent playing time disappointments?1. Communicate with players about your vision for their role on the team and what they can do to get more time in the game.
2. Write a letter to the parents and invite them to a pre-season meeting. Describe your coaching philosophy in the letter and how you plan to distribute playing time throughout the year.
3. Host a parent meeting at the beginning of the season and describe your playing time philosophy. Communicate with parents about your philosophy throughout the year.
3. If you are going to bench a player, make sure you communicate the reasoning behind this decision to both the player and the parents ahead of time.
4. Develop positive ongoing relationships with parents throughout the entire year. Get to know your players’ parents at school functions, social events, etc. The more positive your relationships are with parents, the more supportive they will be of you.
5. When a parent asks to talk about playing time, set up a meeting that fits into both of your schedules. If the parent is angry, assure them that you would like to discuss this with them at a better time. Let them cool off.
6. During the conversation, keep the following in mind:
- Listen rather than tell. They are likely to have a lot to say. Let them share their feeling and assure them that you hear and understand where they are coming from.
- First, point out their son or daughter’s strengths.
- Focus on what the child can do to get better not what they have done in the past.
- Refer back to your original communication with them about playing time.
- If the discussion becomes irrational, heated, and insulting to you, end the meeting and ask to schedule another appointment with your school administrator/third-party.
- Do not compare their child to another player on the team.
- Do not let your emotions get in the way of a rational discussion.
Coaches: What can you do to get more kids in the game? Read, “5 Strategies to Give Equal Playing Time in Sports.”
Is this a common problem at your school? Play Like A Champion Today™ offers workshops for coaches and parents that have a special focus on developing a positive relationship between parents and coaches. For more information check out our various programs or contact PLC at 574-631-9981 or by email plc@nd.edu.
