Building Stronger Teams: Make Thanksgiving an Everyday Meal

Today's blog comes from Bill Matthews, LPC. Bill is a counselor in the Detroit area, and a Play Like a Champion certified trainer 

In Canada, it’s the second Monday of October. Here in the USA, it’s the fourth Thursday of November. Thanksgiving is a national holiday, a day of expressing gratitude for the blessing of the preceding year. But what if we celebrated thanks-giving every day, in a metaphorical sense, as a way of building stronger sports teams?

One of the first things most parents teach their kids is to say, “Thank You.” Think of the countless times you have said to your young children (or your parents said to you when you were a young child), “What do you say?…” to prompt the child to utter these words. But do kids today really have any idea what it means to be thankful? What’s the difference between being thankful and grateful? And how does that translate to building a stronger team culture?

Practicing gratitude has benefits that go beyond having a polite kid. Studies show that people who practice gratitude feel 25% happier, are more likely to be kind and helpful to others, are more enthusiastic, interested, and determined, and even sleep better.

Kids and teens who regularly practice gratitude get higher grades, are more satisfied with their lives, are more integrated socially and show fewer signs of depression. Research within sports has identified a relationship between gratitude among adolescent athletes and increased team satisfaction, lower burnout, and greater overall well-being. 

But what exactly do we mean by gratitude? According to Greg Chertok, M.Ed., CC-AASP, a sport psychology counselor and fitness trainer, and member of the American College of Sports Medicine, gratitude can be defined as “an estimate of gain coupled with the judgment that someone else is responsible for that gain.” Estimating and appreciating gain (performing well; being promoted from bench player to starter; recognizing physical improvement) and identifying that other people were involved in making it happen, are important steps towards feeling grateful. In other words, I can be thankful that I did well on my exam, but I should be grateful to my study partners (teammates) for helping prepare me to do well.

So how can parents and coaches help young athletes practice gratitude in meaningful ways so that our kids learn what it means to be thankful and grateful?

Here are a few ideas:

•  Coach team members to express their appreciation for one other. After practice, have players take turns going around the circle and express what they all appreciate about a teammate today. Make sure that the gratitude is spread around the entire team. The first few times you do it, it will likely feel uncomfortable for you and the team. But when you start to hear the amazing things kids will begin to say to one another genuinely, don’t be surprised if it quickly becomes a favorite team ritual.
• Acknowledge the small stuff. When we practice mindfulness it helps us to be present in our
• relationships and pay attention to our environment. So often today we go through the day distracted, out of sync with the people around us. Kids typically have their heads in a tablet, laptop, game system or headphones. Be intentional about noticing the little things they do to help and support each other and the team.
•  Make a gratitude jar or box. Have some scratch paper and a pencil nearby. Put them in a convenient place so that team members can write down things they feel grateful to the team for and place the paper in the jar/box. Open the occasionally to read what everyone has written.
•  Parents - make gratitude part of your children’s bedtime routine. Take a few minutes at the end of each day to show appreciation for the little things in your lives for which you are grateful. It is important for parents to model gratitude. It’s a great way to end each day.
•  Develop gratitude traditions – trips to hospitals, shelters, honoring appropriate fan behavior, expressions of gratitude to officials and opponents all help young athletes connect as part of a larger human community.
•  Connect gratitude to the GROW model. Teach your players to connect gratitude to Goals, Relationships, Ownership and [keeping] Winning [in perspective].

Here’s a great example Chertok shares in his article: former Olympian Carl Lewis reports in his autobiography, Inside Track: Autobiography of Carl Lewis, that feeling grateful to his competitors became part of his pre-competition routine. He wrote that, without opponents, he could not have been personally challenged. He could not have experienced victory without opponents. There would be no gold medals without opponents. Lewis chose to embrace the presence of his competitors as required figures in his quest for performance excellence. It was an attitudinal shift that served him well.

Too often we reserve expressions of gratitude for end-of-the-season awards banquets, and pre-established award categories (e.g. MVP). Why not make gratitude, thanks-giving, a part of your team’s everyday experience?  Try it, and watch your team GROW stronger!

Put the Student Back in Student-Athlete

Today's blog was written by Noah. Noah is a sophomore computer science major and a student in the Social Foundations of Coaching, a course taught by Play Like a Champion founding director Professor Clark Power and Program Director Kristin Sheehan. 

As stories pour in from Columbia, Missouri, it is difficult to draw something positive from what is seen. Students receiving death threats, reporters being attacked—an entire college campus on edge. With all of the issues stirring, I want to focus not on the overwhelming problems in play on all sides, but on what we can draw from this experience.

As a disclaimer, I do not know whether Mr. Wolfe’s decisions deserved the sort of outrage that has ensued at the University of Missouri. I do not wish to make this story about defending Mr. Wolfe. I am not promoting what the Mizzou students have done. This is in no way a promotion of Concerned Students 1950. This is not an article about racism. I wish to make it about a decision made by one man who, in a time of adversity, stood up for those who look up to him so much: University of Missouri head football coach Gary Pinkel.

When we see college athletes, on our own campus or on TV, we do not look at them as students. Do you really look at, for example, Cardale Jones and wonder how he is doing in his math class? Probably not. I never have. The things about modern college athletics is the giant rift between the average football student-athlete and the average student is growing at an alarming rate. At some universities, students are given special housing, special classes, special dining privileges—I am not arguing that any of this is wrong, I am just saying that it exists and further pushes the football player from the student body. You see them play on Saturday and rarely think of them as students. They are often better-known representatives of a university than the president or board of trustees; they have an immeasurable impact. That being said, their influence is dampened and they are often told to not make rash decisions, to not say something that may be deemed extreme or contrary, to not embarrass the university, to always present themselves in a clean image. With this, I would ask if then they are really even treated as students. College is a time when young people have the opportunity to try new things and, as would be expected, mess up. A time to be right and a time to be wrong. A time to make something of yourself. A time to define yourself beyond just a degree and a number. A time to become yourself.

In my opinion, Gary Pinkel, the man “in charge” of the players did exactly what he should have when the players said they wanted to boycott the game. He did nothing. He treated them as students. He treated them as people who can make their own decisions and portray themselves as they deem appropriate. Although disagreements arise over whether what they did was justified or exceeded acceptable limits, they have just as much a right to a voice on that campus as any other student.

This is a step forward. I hope football players and other student-athletes are encouraged to get more involved in the daily life of their universities, although not in such a dramatic manner. Whatever happens in Missouri over the next few months, one thing is for certain: Coach Pinkel sent a message. A message that will reverberate throughout the entire college football landscape. It seems ridiculously simple.

Student-athletes are students.

An Animal on the Field

Today's blog is written by Alex Wilcox. Alex is a senior Film, Television, and Theater major, and a student in the Social Foundations of Coaching course taught by Play Like a Champion Founding Director Professor Clark Power and Program Director Kristin Sheehan. Alex is also a student coaching assistant for the Notre Dame Football team.

One of the most influential men in my life is my high school varsity football coach--a stout, fiery Italian who played football in college. He was intense, demanded the best out of everyone around him, and forced his players to dig deeper than they ever thought possible. He toughened you up both physically and mentally, and even if you didn’t like him – and many didn’t – you had to respect him. As many football coaches do, he had many favorite expressions that he would bark out on a daily basis. One of these was that he wanted his players to be “an animal on the field, and a gentleman off it.”

For a while, I loved everything about this quote and football. I loved the intensity, the emotion, and the violence of the game. I loved the idea that you could take all your inner anger, all your aggression, and take it out on the field. I saw this dual identity as a positive, and I pointed to the example of Deacon Jones,an NFL Hall of Famer, to support my claim. During his playing days, Jones was credited with “inventing” the sack because of how dominant he was, and for how he ferociously he went after the passer. On the field he was known as mean and nasty, but off the field, he was known as one of the kindest, gentlest men one could ever meet. When asked how such a kind and gentle man could turn into a snarling lunatic trying to crush the quarterback and anyone else who got in his way, his response was simple – it was his job. He said to act the way he did was required to do his job to the best of his ability, and that in order to feed his family, he had to his job.

While the Notre Dame Football team was at Culver Academy for training camp this summer, we brought in U.S. Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell, of Lone Survivor fame, to give a talk to the team. One of the things he said was that when he was going through SEAL training, he had to flip a switch in his mind as to when he had to turn it on, be an aggressive, physical maniac with no regard for his well-being and keep pushing when his body begged him to stop, and when he could be a normal human being. “Flip the Switch” has now become one of Coach Kelly’s rallying cries.

Football is now the most popular sport in America. However, this popularity has taken a hit. With concerns over player safety and long-term health, as well as the NFL’s approach to crimes such as sexual assault and domestic violence, more and more parents are making the decision to not let their children play the game I have idolized since I was four years old. Through it all, I voraciously defended the game and the league, but after reading the report on Greg Hardy’s assault on his ex-girlfriend and seeing the gruesome, disgusting pictures of the attack, I have had a change of heart.

Yes, there are some examples of players who are able to control their dual identity, such as Deacon Jones. However, Mr. Jones was not only an exceptional football player, he was an exceptional man. In today's game, a vast majority of players have no problem unleashing their inner rage, aggression, and violence on the field to perform their job at the highest level. However, it is channeling this aggression off the field that is the issue. 

For these athletes, this aggression and violence has been celebrated from the time they first put on a pair of shoulder pads and buckled up their helmets. This ferocity and tenacity made them standout players in high school, earned them a scholarship to play at a major college program, and led to them to a lifestyle as an NFL star they never could've dreamed of. This aggression and violence made them celebrities, and the harder they hit, the more we cheered, and the more they got paid. 

For these players, football is everything. It is not only their job, it is their life. When violence and aggression are an essential part of that, it shouldn't be surprising when this aggression doesn't stop after the final whistle. Being violent has gotten them to the pinnacle; it has changed their lives, and has always been celebrated, when it should've been curtailed. 

A stud recruit in high school will get offers from every school in the country, as coaches are so enamored with their 40 time they look past "that one time" he slapped his girlfriend. After four years on a campus where he was taught he was above everyone, including the law, and women were nothing but sex objects for his pleasure after a good game, he is then drafted by an NFL GM who has no problem overlooking a few "minor blemishes" on his criminal record and signing him to a multi-year, million dollar contract, because, hey, "kids make mistakes."  But these aren't mistakes, they are a pattern. A pattern of abuse, of unchecked aggression spun out of control. Add money, fame, and sex to the equation, and your first-round draft pick becomes little more than a ticking time bomb. 

The NFL is littered with examples of this. Greg Hardy and Ray Rice are the most obvious cases, but look further back and you'll find Ben Roethlisberger arrested for allegedly raping a woman in a bar, Ray Lewis arrested for murdering a man outside a club, and Lawrence Taylor, one of the most celebrated football players of all time and widely regarded as the single greatest defensive player in NFL history, who was just as well known for his propensity to smoke crack and beat strippers as he was for sacking the QB. Earlier this season, the NFL actually applauded its personal conduct policy as effective because, for the first time in years, the league went a whole month without one of its players getting arrested. 

For so many players, they have been groomed into being the best possible football player they can be, but no one bothered teaching them how to be a good man. They have been taught to unleash their aggression, rather than control it. Over the course of their life, these players' brains have been wired that whenever they face a "fight-or-flight" scenario, they automatically choose "fight", every time. So much time, energy, and effort has been spent on how these athletes perform on the field, that how they act off the field is treated as almost irrelevant. 

In light of these recent circumstances, I do not believe that this "dual identity" is a good thing, as I previously thought. I do not believe humans are capable of "Flipping the Switch," no matter how many times Coach Kelly screams it, and more often than not, instead of examples of athletes being an "animal on the field and a gentleman off it," it is more accurate to say, "an animal on the field and an animal off it," or simply, "an animal."