The Long Ride Home

Good day all...

I thought we might switch gears today and examine one of the issues in youth sports that is overlooked more than Bobby Knight's behavior on the bench... the ride home after an athletic contest with parents. Some of the worst parenting and coaching in the world takes place in the privacy of the dreaded car ride home. Parents berate, condescend and over power young athletes to the point that many of them may lose all interest in a sport they truly love.

This was never more evident to me than with my own son. I've been his coach since he was old enough to walk. I've given him, in my opinion, some of the best coaching and advice that can be given to a young athlete. That said there's still a parent-child relationship to foster before athletics. Admittedly, I've always been tougher on my own children than other kids I've coached, but being involved with football the past few seasons has really opened my eyes.

Hmmmmm... where is he going you ask? The answer is really simple. Parents (present company included), always want the best for their kids. However, we can all be a bit over the top when "critiquing" our young athlete's play. He or she may not be living up to whatever expectation we may have, but that's not for us to decide. Although they are children, and to a point they will always be children in our eyes, they need to take some responsibility and figure things out on there own. If it's important to them, they'll go for it. As parents and role models I believe it's our job to give them every opportunity to be successful... that's it. Present the opportunity, provide support and leave the rest to them. Here are a few things to keep in mind during that "long ride home."

PURE RELENTLESS PEARLS OF WISDOM FOR PARENTS

1. Ease up a little -No matter what you say, you will never be tougher on them than they are on themselves.
2. They aren't you - So what you did at that age doesn't necessarily apply in today's sports arena.
3. Let's be honest, some of them just aren't athletically gifted - Just love them for who they are and be fine with that.
4. Ask them... don't tell them "How do you think you played today?" versus "I don't think you played well today." You might be surprised how in tune they are with how they performed.
5. Don't assume - They may not want to play the sport you played as a kid. Their favorite sport could be completely different. Let them decide which direction to go.
6. Always remember to tell them you love them - Sometimes no matter the approach you take, things can get out of hand. Just remind them that you love them and no matter what you're there for them.
7. We're talking youth sports here - nobody is picking up a check at the end of the game... if so, sign me up!
8. Relax and enjoy the game - This one is for me specifically. We've got to remember they're young and even the pros make mistakes. Lift 'em up.
9. If they ask give an honest yet loving answer - If you get them to ask what you think...think before you answer. In some cases they may be hanging on your every word.
10. Youth sports are about the experience and having fun - Never let them lose sight of that. We tell them a lot by how we conduct ourselves.

Our kids are under enough stress and pressure in today's society. Way more than any of us can ever imagine from where we've come. The last thing they need is to be placed on the defensive in the only safe place some of them may have...with mom and dad.

What High School Basketball Taught One Athlete

My sophomore basketball coach was the best coach I have ever had. In my grade we had seven kids out for basketball. Two of those kids were very good so they were up on the varsity. The rest of us were not very good basketball players, but that did not change my coach’s expectations of winning games. What makes this coach the best I ever had was what he did with very little basketball talent. He did not sign up to coach to lose.
The practices that he ran were the most efficient and effective that I have been part of. Since we were a group that was not going to dunk on anyone or make crazy drives to the basket he decided to focus on different parts of the game. The parts of the game that we focused on were parts that could be done effectively on hard work alone.
Every practice we spent half the time going over defense. We would spend a quarter of the time doing rebounding drills. We would spend the rest of the time either shooting threes or going over an aspect of the game that was more cerebral, i.e. spacing on the zone or where everyone should be on the fastbreak.
As a result we played defense and rebounded better than anyone else. We also shot the three very well. Even though our shots looked pretty bad we had practiced it so much that more often than not the ball went in. By the end of the season we were playing very smart and effective basketball.
There a lot of takeaways from this coach, but the most exciting one is that hard work and hustle still pay huge dividends. Our coach instilled in us an attitude that always made our practices intense. We would go after loose balls harder in our practices than most teams do in games. Our coach would always emphasize playing hard and smart. So we would spend about two hours a day at a breakneck pace trying to outhustle each other. Once we got to the game, that switch would not turn off.
The point of this is that as a coach, great talent is never guaranteed. However, through hard work and hustle, games can still be won. My 19-2 sophomore high school basketball team is a testament to how it is possible to win a lot of games through outworking the other team.
Jordan Smith
Social Foundations of Coaching Course
Notre Dame 2011

Learning to Teach While Teaching Series Part VII: Passion

Passion is a very peculiar word. We’ve heard it used in many different contexts over the years. Hmmmmm…let’s see – there have been crimes of passion, we’ve seen passionate outbursts by players and coaches, maybe someone we know has passion for what they do, some have even described passion in a sexual connotation meaning a physical relationship between two people – there’s even “The Passion of the Christ” for our viewing pleasure and critique…but what is the true meaning of passion.

The word passion comes from the Latin word pati which means to suffer. Latin was spoken by the early Romans and this word was used specifically when referring to the suffering of Jesus… some seven hundred or so years later the meaning began to transform into strength of feeling and ultimately what we have come to know today as love and sexual passion.

Ok, now that the history lesson is over, how does this relate to teaching while teaching? I’m glad you so profoundly asked. In the current definitions of passion it is truly important for coaches and athletes alike to have passion for what they do. Having a strong sense of purpose is part of the picture. The purpose is set in the expectation as set by the head coach and then carried forth by the leaders on the team. If all are on the same page, success is inevitable.

We’ve all heard stories of teams that over-achieve, or who did something great when the “odds” were stacked against them. I would argue that in spite of their lack of ability, skill or even numbers the players and coaches all had the same goals, mindset and were committed to achieve. Of course they were disciplined, focused and well prepared, but the ultimate difference possibly came from the passion with which they played.

Let’s see… passion comes from the Latin word meaning suffer and if a player is selfless he or she then puts his or her teammates before themselves. That in itself is an act of sacrifice (coming from the Latin word meaning; to make sacred) for the whole.

At the end of the day, as coaches we want to convey to our student-athletes the importance of giving all they have for as long as they compete. Strength of purpose, selflessness and sacrifice are all ingredients of passion. If mixed in the correct amounts along with discipline, hard work, trustworthiness and respect success is eminent…this is the true breakfast of champions!

Over the past week, the blogosphere has lit up over a video showing John O'Connor, the head basketball coach at tiny Holy Family University, shoving one of his players to the ground during an early morning rebounding drill and kicking him when he stayed down. The nineteen year old Sophomore struggled to his feet, bleeding from his nose and holding a sprained wrist that has now kept him out of the game for over a month. Coach O'Connor was dismissed from the University last week, but has since taken to the airwaves saying that although his tactics went too far, his intent was still a noble one. He insists that his "tough love" approach was designed to prepare his players for life and teach them lessons that extended beyond the basketball court. "Its always been about the kids and teaching and trying to get them to learn that, in life, there's lessons to be learned in this game" he told the Philadelphia Daily News. The incident, and O'Connor's defense of his methods, has sparked a public debate about both the role of coaches and whether or not tough-methods are appropriate. At first glance, it may seem that a ministerial-based approach to coaching would be wholly at odds with O'Connor's behavior. Although certainly it would be inexcusable to physically assault a player whose care and development has been entrusted to you, but what about the concept of tough love? Is the Norman Dale approach from Hoosiers, although unpleasant, superior to a coach who teaches only the techniques and spares his players the discomfort of challenging situations? The Video is linked below.

James Hasson, ND 2011
Social Foundations of Coaching
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncBckf71Tbs

Learning to Teach While Teaching Series Part VI: Respect

Today we continue to move forward in our Learning to Teach While Teaching Series:

Today’s Topic: Respect

I don’t really think I need to break out into Aretha Franklin’s all time number one smash single “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” for everyone to be able to understand at least in part how important respect is… I mean geez, if there’s a song written about it I’m guessing it must be pretty important. Motown greatness aside, today I want to really examine what respect is all about…and more importantly what respect isn’t.

The given dictionary definition of respect is:

Respect – v

to avoid violation; held high or with special regard; the quality or state of being appreciated

Let’s break the definition down by segment and further examine how we (coaches, parents and student-athletes alike) should show respect to each other. I think we’ll all be interested to see how it all shakes out.

Okay, let’s see… “to avoid violation” - Wow… So, if I violate someone by speaking ill or back stabbing do I truly have respect for them? What if I circulate rumors and filth in order to gain some sort of favor for myself? I am showing respect? Not very likely…but let’s move on.

Let’s look at the second segment of the definition: “held high or with special regard” – I’m guessing that since this is a verb, there’s a bit more to it than just saying I respect someone… I actually have to show it right? How should I go about it? Is there a formula for respecting someone? You know, the “Golden Rule?” Anyone remember that from Sunday school? Man, this is really enlightening…

The last segment simply says: “the quality or state of being appreciated.” The last time I checked if someone was appreciated they were not only told, but were shown in action... more specifically in how they were treated. I think what’s most disturbing is that our words and our actions are polar opposites in some cases. As my students used to say… “that’s totally creepy.”

So from what we’ve gathered to this point, it sounds to me like the basic definition of respect is just to treat people well. Some would argue that the second and third segments of the definition are what have to be earned – special regard and appreciation. I would then argue the mere fact that you’re a human being qualifies you for those segments. I’m sure that sounds Dalai Lama(esk), but I don’t think anyone wants to be violated or unappreciated… that goes without saying – right?

SO WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING IN OUR COMMUNITIES?

Why do young people show so little respect for authority today? Why don’t young people respect their teachers? Have coaches forgotten how important their roles are in the lives of young people? Why aren’t parents more respectful of teachers and coaches who, in essence, spend more time with their children than they do? Why are parents, players and coaches so completely out of control at games? Why don’t teachers and administrator respect each other? Why don’t coaches show more respect for student-athletes? Why do teachers have a chip on their shoulders? Why do busy-bodies need so much drama? Why do we dislike the person who is happy? Why does negativity sell? Why does one person feel the need to control another? Why is power so important? Why do jealousy and envy exist? Why is retaliation always the answer? Why is there always an excuse? Why is this list of questions infinitely long?

I don’t know either…

At day’s end respect is something you give and until the other person gives you a specific reason to do otherwise you continue to show it. In treating others with respect we inevitably respect ourselves… if one doesn’t have respect for himself how is it then possible for him to respect someone else…? Instead of reciting “respect isn’t given it’s earned” maybe we should say: “respect is given, but common sense is learned.”

I’m just sayin…

Learning to Teach While Teaching Series Part V: Positive Attitude

Hello all… today we launch into segment five of our Learning to Teach While Teaching Series.

Today’s subject: Positive Attitude

We’ve all heard the quotes before:

“Whether you believe you can or can’t you’re right.”
“Whatsoever a man thinketh, so is he.”
“I think; therefore I am.”

A positive attitude sets the tone for anything we do. It could be the start of a difficult day, the beginning of a really hectic week or even facing an opponent that is sure to render a long, arduous competition. How we view our current situation is always critical as it pertains to our performance. As I watched ESPN’s “30 for 30” series documentary on Ricky Williams it was never more evident that attitude, other than preparation is probably one of the top three important aspects of sport. We’ve all experienced how our minds dictate an outcome that we at some point have anticipated.

What exactly does this have to do with coaching for character..? Thanks, I’m glad you asked.

Coaches are important in setting not only the standards of excellence for a team, but are also responsible for being an example to the players on the team. If coaches have positive attitudes it’s inevitable for the team to have positive attitudes. To borrow the best line from my all time favorite football film “Remember the Titans” when Coach Boone has the team running three-a-day practices in an effort to bring them together: team leaders Julius Campbell and Gary Bertier have an exchange after practice when Julius says to Gary, “Attitude reflect leadership…captain.”

As coaches we can only expect our student-athletes to perform at the level to which they are elevated. We (coaches) are responsible for motivating and inspiring the student-athletes. That said there are some student-athletes who are more difficult to inspire than others, but as coaches it’s our job to know what motivates our players to perform at their optimum best. Taking the time and having the patience to find what motivates is part of having the positive attitude they need in example.

Look –

Here’s the bottom line. Parents have a difficult job… dare I say even more so now because of how different things are (technology, law, government). Coaches have even more of a difficult job because in some cases the only discipline a student-athlete receives is from his/her coach. That’s not putting a parent down… that’s merely stating fact. The good news is that parents and coaches who work together give the student-athlete the best combination of support, discipline and love available. We (parents and coaches) are in the “mold” business. We are molding and shaping our leaders of tomorrow. Our attitude, style and approach are all critical in their development.

If nothing else remember: “attitude reflects leadership…captain.”

For the Love of the Missions

Throughout my years growing up, I was an avid Notre Dame football fan. It was always the topic of discussion in my house. I'd like to change that norm for myself for once and discuss and share my thought on the Bengal Bouts. This year marks the 81st Annual Bengal Bouts. As many people in the ND community are aware, the first preliminary rounds occurred on Sunday, Feb. 13th. With no surprise, they were exciting and entertaining. We see the culmination of months of hard work and determination duked out between two men strong enough to step in the ring. They have different styles, size and most importantly, "reach".

One thing however they do have in common, bravery. It is a true test of manhood to step in a ring a fellow boxer once told me. It's that one-on-one test to see what you are made of. This, I believe, is an achievement in itself. The Bengal Bouts promote physical toughness and builds character. Having had a brother fight in the bouts (2 time semi-finalist), I've seen my far share of great matches and boxers. One recent boxer that sticks out is Chris Perez. He was one of two guys to be a 4-time champion in ND history which was accomplished by flawless technique and quick hands. However, this year topped all other years past opening fights. They were some of the best fights I've ever seen, most going into split decisions.

But beyond two men plummeting each other to show there manliness and technique, or sometimes, lack there of, we must not over look the simple question: "Why do they fight?" Why get in a ring and risk a broken nose? Why try and humiliate your opponent by landing that haymaker? They do it for the people of Bangladesh and the Holy Cross Missions there. The way I see it, the participants of the Bengal Bouts do it for the support and promotion of the Missions, not their own self fulfillment. I hope you see the bouts and realize what a good cause it is and remember that "Strong bodies fight so that weak bodies may be nourished."



--
Matthew Pepe
Social Foundations of Coaching
University of Notre Dame 2012

Learning to Teach While Teaching Series Part IV: Humility

Once again it’s time for us to move into our Learning to Teach While Teaching Series. This week's topic: “Humility”

As most of you know I was raised in a small rural town in Florida that isn’t much to speak about. Not much has changed in the way people think or do things since about the mid – 1950’s so there's always some sort of racial tension or overtone to most anything that happens.

My grandmother (“Big Nana”), the matriarch of our family was the granddaughter of a slave who taught me those “common sense life lessons” she had learned throughout her years in the south. My grandmother’s wisdom and insight are still a huge part of my beliefs system and how I try to raise my own children today.

She only had a couple of rules that I can remember and both of them where specific to how I behaved. She wasn’t much for grades in school since she only had a second grade education, but she always wanted to see my conduct grade. Looking back on it, I believe that if I had failed every subject and received an “A” in conduct she would have been fine with that because conduct was about your character and who you were becoming as a human being… I understand that now.

The only other thing that Big Nana ever repeated to me over and over when I was being an obnoxious kid was this simple quote: “Humble is the way son…humble is the way.”

Humble is defined as: adj. not proud or arrogant; offered in a spirit of submission.

What a concept… no suffering from “the disease of me.” Being submissive and thankful for who I am and doing my best to lift those around me.

We live in a society that is driven by recognition, celebrity and power. Three "social moguls" that what will undoubtedly make a tremendous impact on the lives of our young people. Coaches, in conjunction with parents, have the dubious responsibility of making sure our young people understand humility's importance. Sport again, would seem to be a logical choice in helping develop this character trait. It’s innate for us to copy what we see…right? We emulate the very behaviors that are commonplace in our environment - doesn’t it make sense?

The reoccurring theme here, good folk, is to model the behavior for our young people to see. Arrogance is easy, selfishness is easy – it’s always about what we want as individuals. Learning to sacrifice for something bigger than yourself is a difficult task. By nature we're all selfish – even as babies we cried to get our way; to be fed, changed, held, or for whatever our little hearts desired.

Here's the sixty-four million dollar question ladies and gentlemen: "At what point do we as coaches, mentors and leaders selflessly and positively lift our young people up?" That, my friends, is hard…selflessness is hard… discipline is hard…humility is hard… LEADERSHIP...is HARD

Have you ever known of anything worth having to be easy?

Overcoming Adversity, Changing Perceptions

As many of you know, the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl this past weekend. Anyone with even a passing interest in the NFL would undoubtedly know that the Packers came into the playoffs as the sixth (and final) seed in the NFC. As a result they had to win three playoff games on the road, including the NFC championship game at their division rival the Chicago Bears. The other compelling story line from the Packers’ road to the Super Bowl was the fact that their team had been decimated by injuries. By the time they reached the Super Bowl, the Packers had 6 starters on injured reserve and nearly a dozen other players not dressed for the game. On top of that, their offense and defense veteran leaders, Donald Driver and Charles Woodson, went down in the first half with injuries that would ultimately prevent them from finishing the game. An entire article could be written (and many have been written) about the tenacity the team showed in coming back from these injuries. Suffice it to say, the Packers banded together as a team, continued to play their game, and defeated the much healthier Steelers. However, I don’t wish to bore you with yet another blog post about how resilient the Packers were in winning the Super Bowl despite devastating injuries to key players. I want to draw your attention to an injury that occurred several weeks earlier, and the importantly unusual response by one of the veteran players on the team.

Several weeks ago I read an article on ESPN.com about Aaron Rodgers, Donald Driver and concussions. On December 12, in a key divisional game against the Detroit Lions, Aaron Rodgers, the Packers’ quarterback was knocked out of the game with a concussion. Like most football players, Rodgers scoffed at the severity of the injury and was intent on going back into the game. After all, a loss would severely hurt the Packers’ playoff hopes, and the loss of Rodgers would severely hurt the Packers’ chances of winning this game. One would expect that most of Rodgers’ teammates would share Rodgers’ opinion about concussions, and encourage him to get back into the game. However, veteran receiver Donald Driver, one of the team’s emotional leaders, had a different response. After taking one look at Rodgers, Driver told him he didn’t look right and that he should stay out of the game, reminding Rodgers that his long term health was much more important than any play or any one game. In doing this, Driver made it ok for Packers’ players to leave a game for a concussion or for any other serious injury without having their masculinity or commitment to the team questioned. In a year when the NFL has tried to increase awareness and change the perception of concussions, Donald Driver did more in a five minute conversation than the league has done all season. For the full original article follow this link: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/commentary/news/story?page=keown/101221


Interestingly enough, nearly two months later at the Super Bowl, it was Driver, not Rodgers, who was sidelined with an injury during the game. While watching Driver hoping to get back in the game, I could not help but think of this article. Two points came to mind. The first, was that Driver could have used a figure like himself to come and say, “You don’t look right, you should sit this one out, your health is more important than any game.” Even though his injury was to his ankle, and much less likely to lead to serious health problems down the line than a concussion, he still appeared as though he could have used some perspective. The other point that came to mind was that it was Driver himself who, 7 weeks earlier, had helped to create the team environment that would allow a player to sit out even the second half of the Super Bowl due to injury with no snide remarks from teammates. This is the kind of team environment we sorely need in sports at all levels, but particularly at the college and professional levels. If only we could all be so blessed as coaches to have a couple of Donald Drivers on our teams.

Jesse Huff
Social Foundations of Coaching
Notre Dame, 2011

Learning to Teach While Teaching Part III: Trustworthiness

This week we dive into our third topic in our Learning to Teach While Teaching Series: "Trustworthiness"

Our young people today need to be taught the value of being trustworthy. Unfortunately, when they watch ESPN or any television show for that matter the modeled behavior is often times less than what it should be – there’s what I like to call (PMS) the “Predominately Me Syndrome” displayed everywhere. Professional athletes from football players to race car drivers show irresponsible, selfish behavior that fills the minds of our young people with what they think is acceptable.

It’s ok to do steroids…as long as I apologize. It’s ok to say disrespectful things to others…as long as I apologize. It’s ok to be unfaithful…as long as I apologize. It’s ok “go off” on my parents and coaches…as long as I apologize. Basically it’s ok to be a complete idiot…as long as I apologize.

IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!

Trustworthiness; sounds like a really important word. What is the clinical definition of trustworthy? Trustworthy is defined as:

adj. deserving trust or confidence; dependable or reliable

Merriam-Webster is saying there’s actually some responsibility in being trustworthy. There’s actually a level of expectation applied to someone who possesses this character quality. Being considered trustworthy is actually earned….wow - what a concept!

While playing at Notre Dame, Coach Holtz would pose three questions to our team as we began each year. It was his way of reminding us that we had a responsibility to our teammates, our coaches, our community and ultimately to ourselves to be the best possible young men we could be. Not just on the football field or in the classroom, but in life.

The three questions he asked us to consider were:

Can I trust you?
Do you have my back? Can I trust that you will do what needs to be done for the team to be successful? Can I rely on the fact that you will put the team first?

Are you committed to excellence?
Are you willing to sacrifice personal glory for the team in working together for a bigger more unified goal? Will you work hard each day to be the best possible version of yourself and in doing so make us stronger?

Do you care about me?
Do you care enough about me to execute the previous two questions on a consistent basis? Even when you’re tired and worn. Even when others talk about you? Will you defend the honor of the team with your actions?

Even today at my own sports academy we use those same questions in our philosophy of teaching character through team work and discipline. If you were to ask members of the Relentless Sports Academy what those three questions were, most of them would be able to tell you not only what they were, but what they mean.

Being a young person today is admittedly tougher than when most of us grew up. That said it is the responsibility of parents to set the foundation at home for their children. It then becomes the responsibility of coaches to model the behaviors that are acceptable in their programs which should mirror those from home. There was a time that we could get some additional help from our “celebrity” role models…

Unfortunately, we can’t always depend on them anymore.